Long post zone incoming. Be prepared for an essay.
This is my 100% accurate list. 100% accurate. No.I see you in the corner, disagreeing with this. Don't do that. Not healthy.
Bangalore - Always wants to rush every team fight known to mankind, except they carry pk/r301 and (try to) laser everyone in their smoke. 95% of the time they miss. The other 5% is all headshots. That's how they win fights. Will either rez you as soon as you go down, or loot your deathbox then push it off the edge of the map, just for safe measure. Kinda like wraith mains, except more team orientated.
Bloodhound - Always nice, but a tiny bit incompetent. They are an amazing teammate to have, and you will just be having fun when you are looting with them, but they can't really hold their own in a gun fight. Kinda like big cuddly bears. Except it's a person. But with a face that isn't visible. Whatever. They are nice.
Caustic - My hypothesis of this variable states that these players are either 300IQ, or your average plat camper. Scratch that. Gold camper. Either do 300IQ gas plays, where they block the zone with traps, and caustic ends up carrying, or they sit in the corner, while you slowly wait for the timer on your banner to tick to zero, hoping you never get matched with this person again.
Crypto - He is always there for you. Either grabbing your banner in clutch, or 1v2'ing the enemy to team save you from that team you though you could take out with a level 1 evo shield and a mozambique. He will just ignore all your mistakes, and clutch up for you, and still respawn you, because he does his job, no questions asked. He will also emp 17 and a half billion different people, just for you so you can get that 20 bomb. Say thank you to your Crypto mains.
Gibby - Oh lord he comin. He is going to crush you, whether you like it or not. He comes to us all eventually. I for one accept our Gibby main overlords, and welcome them to the land of the planet earth. But he will do this all in a socially distancing way. Because Gibby is like that. And so are gibby mains. They are all inevitable. Kind of like a Mirage buff. It's gonna happen guys, and it might be good! *Cries*
Lifeline - Lifeline players are the second most toxic players. They will be the ones that message you after you killed them with a p2020 saying that you're hacking. They are the one's that scream when they die. But they are never toxic towards their teammates. That's what makes them play Lifeline instead of Wraith. Wraith mains are much worse. Because lifeline mains actually play a character that has the intention of playing as a team.
Mirage - Mirage mains? Please. The only reason people are playing this character is because a) They were forced to or b) They like his personality. Both good reasons. But apart from those, why would you play him? Other than throwing, of course, but back on topic. Mirage mains are cocky, but fun to be around. They are the dad joke users of the group, the ones that have the most bizarre joke, just like the comic relief. Playing a useless role, but being funny at the same time. Mirage is comic relief. You heard it here first folks!
Octane - The most handsome, sophisticated, big brain, clutch players you have ever seen. Well, that's me, at least. And if I main a character, surely that character's mains HAVE to be the best right? Unless you are a FAKE Octane player. Mr i-drop-solo-loot-goblin people. I'm looking at you! No, REAL Octane players 1v3 enemy teams just to get you that gold body shield for you. Because we are the best. If they die, well then that's your fault. Because Octane mains are perfect. We can do no wrong.
Pathfinder - 'Hey guys, I'm a robot! Cool! I have forced emotions! Yay! I solo drop, and win because pathfinder doesn't have the best mobility in the game! No, what are you talking about? Pathfinder isn't broken! That's why he's the second most used character!' Honestly all pathfinder mains are just selfish. Go grappling on top of roofs, then just camp up there until he uses havoc/pk combo to fairly and not brokenly 1v3 the enemy team due to his balanced mobility.
Revenant - Revenant mains are clutch in 1v2's and 1v3's. Make it a 1v1, or even a 2v1? They'll manage to die. They spend all their luck on clutch plays, and not on teamfights you should expect them to win. They also will hit some silences that look like they were hacked, then they manage to miss a Gibraltar standing still at a deathbox. They are really inconsistent, but consistent at the same time. Also, you can never tell their personalities, because even if they do something nice, all you can think about is revenant's constant abusive comments.
Wattson - Really nice players. Usually contribute positively to the team. Always just in the background doing whatever they can to help. They will place down their ult and it will just save you so many times you don't even notice. But they do. And they write it all down after every match, and keep a record of how many time's they've saved you, then they will ask for a favor, and you can't say no to that. I mean, it's some REAL dedication.
Wraith - OH PLEASE NO! I DON'T WANT TO EVEN BE ON THE SAME TEAM WITH A WRAITH MAIN. PLEASE. Just solo drop, die, spam card, leave then message you after with a 10 page essay of how you should've picked them up. Also have TTV/YT/MIX/FBGAMING in their username somewhere. Also will be the type to get super toxic when you win, and blame the lifeline you didn't even have. Then when you even respond, they will leave you alone for two months, not responding to any messages you've sent the, leaving you in the dust when you thought you had a spark of connection going on. You walk by their house every day before the quarantine, and during the quarantine you star at your empty banners beside you in game, wondering where you went wrong together and how things could've ended up like this. You play a few games, but it just doesn't feel the same. You keep losing, and dying, and then you feel heartbroken. Eventually you just turn off the computer or console you're playing on, and think to yourself about how much you miss them.
Not based off a personal experience at all. Nope. None. Why would I do that?
Anyway, on to our final character
Loba - Loba mains are the <insert description here>. They always <insert description here> and <insert description here>. They just <insert description here>. You need to <insert description here> Loba mains whenever you can.
So, how was my amazing list? Amazing? Yes. Not amazing? WAS THAT YOU IN THE CORNER AGAIN? DID YOU SAY THAT AGAIN? I'LL-
